Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Through Struggle..

Been a long time since I last posted something on this blog. Either I don't have much to say from my head or I've lost the spirit in blogging. Nevertheless, here's my first post of the year. YAY! -_-"

Now, what have I been up to all this time? Well, for starters, I've been busy dealing with loads of TV commercials during my time as a 'Trainee Sound Editor'....now is my time to work harder and get my brain to work out the 'creative juices' to challenge myself to be a better Sound Engineer

Based on my 'Cynical, Self-degrading/Bashing & Sarcastic' input from the 1st and 2nd Paragraph, it seems that Life hates me, while I'm trying to love 'Life' and bear with some of its incurable quirks. Wonders of the Universe eh? Sometimes, I even question myself, "Why does life suck so bad as I get older?"

Maybe its because, the responsibilities become bigger as I grow older? Or maybe this world is just infested with too many assholes who happen to appear into our lives and never fail to put on a 'clown show' for us to be pissed at. There is just too much to bear.

But for the past 4 years, I believe that I've grown a lot. And of course, there's a lot more to learn ahead. A lot of people have told me this,"Aiya, you're 21 this year. Still young! Go ahead and enjoy your life!". Yeah, and with a blink of an eye...I'll be in my mid-20s! :S

And I'm living inside my head, thinking..

-Will I ever make enough money, so that I can afford my own house by 25?
-Will I ever get married before I'm 30? *Although its not important to me now*
-Will I EVER be financially stable when I'm set off on my own someday?

Sure? Maybe? Dunno..

Some of you may think its a tad early to be thinking about all these things. But whats wrong with having big goals right? Whats the rush? Maybe I realized that I should not take 'Time' for granted?

Ever since I started working... seeing a lot of my peers still studying in college, I sometimes feel that I've missed out a lot on my youth, due to the heavy commitment to my 9-5 job. I actually feel that I'm growing up too fast. I'd hate to say that I'm an 'Upcoming working adult', but seeing myself dealing with my; daily expenses and credit card bills and etc...I think the signs show. But, I should also realize that nobody actually pushed me into this kind of lifestyle, but me.

I struggle with this lifestyle of mine. Yes, I just said it...'Struggle'. But I knew I had to face it someday. If not, then when? But of course, everybody has to face it one day. But I believe I don't regret it. Because each and every one of us has a different road to take....




only through struggle have i found rest
with a piece of me taken away
i begin to understand
hollow out this machine like chest
with its gears that turn to make me feel
and assembled thoughts that fade away

only through struggle have i found rest
only through struggle have i found rest

remove from me
this deception that i called love
that i called love

with its gears that turn to make me feel
and assembled thoughts that fade away

remove from me
this deception that i called love
that i called love

only through struggle have i found rest
with a piece of me taken away
i begin to understand
i begin to understand
i begin to understand