Monday, October 12, 2015

Grateful ii: Family


                                         Singapore (1994)


It's true when people say ,"You don't know what you got till it's gone". A friend of mine was talking to me about getting a day off from work, thanks to a public holiday. But it wasn't much of a holiday to him, because his mother instructed the whole family to do spring cleaning at their home.

I for one do not like to do spring cleaning. It can get taxing and I'm quite the lazy person when it comes to chores to be honest. But this conversation with my friend brought me back to those times where I used to spring clean with my family. Back when there were the four of us. The more I start to think about it, the more I start to cherish those moments even more.

I start to realize that the presence of my parents brought subconscious comfort to my sister and I. The sense of security and comfort to know that you're not facing the world alone, but together. Family was everything. The more the little things started to matter, family bonding started to mean even more in retrospect. I start reminiscing about it. The very foundations of what moulded me to what I am today. The values and memories that money can NEVER buy to relive those moments, even if I wanted to.

Work is my only way of coping with grief. My mind is set on nothing but trying to get to a better place in life. Trying to be a better person each day. The undertow caught in between my feet gets even more violent each day. A sink or swim situation everyday. Treading my way as it gets deeper into submission. A thought provoking notion, but it would be something that Charles Darwin would lecture upon...conform to be able to survive.

I remember falling into one of my deep troubling anxieties and dad knocked some sense into me ,"You shouldn't feel scared of things in front of you that you find difficult! These are the exciting times in your life! Triumph it!". This has always been my inner voice and it will always be. Always trying to break down the walls even if one of them was too overwhelming for me to even break them down, I will get up and break THAT wall down.

As much as I believe that I'll be as good as decomposed waste for the ground to feast, part of me wishes that they (my parents) are watching us over to guide us in spirit. I really miss their presence.

Monday, October 05, 2015

Matt Heafy: Failure



For many years, I have been a huge fan of Trivium. For those who know me, you'll usually see me sporting a Trivium Shogun shirt whenever we meet up. Yes, that's my favourite shirt. I remember the first time picking up the electric guitar at the late-blooming age of 19. Scrolling through youtube videos, looking for a song to learn up and cover. The first thing I saw was Trivium's "Light like to the flies", off their 2nd album "Ascendancy".

I have read and knew of the band's trials and tribulations before they became hugely successful and adored by many music lovers. I admire this band, for they have kept pushing for what they truly desire out of life. Frontman, Matt Heafy explains how he faces failure and owns up to it to reach his successes. He is a role model to me in whatever I do with my life. Dust myself up whenever I take a fall.

,"Failure teaches us. It shapes us. It tests us in our weakest and most vulnerable states. Only through struggle and failure can we overcome, dust ourselves off and begin back on our path to greatness"- Matt Heafy

Sunday, October 04, 2015

Penance.

Very often we ask ourselves ,"Do we really deserve the shit that we get?". I am coming from a negative angle, whereby, when bad things happen so us, we whine, complain and scream to ourselves - time and time again. It's just so easy to do so. But I've come to realize that I can turn it around by taking it by the balls and face up to it. Like gambling, we must be prepared to lose before we even start to exchange our money for chips to get into the game, in hopes to winning something big. Basically saying that the influences of external parties can end up making it very difficult for you and you have to own up to it. Make do with what you have. May the last push be your heaviest. As long you happened to take ownership on the side of right.

With over 7 billion people on this Earth, I guess we can't claim to be the biggest voice for our rights when there are many others who would love to shout us down whilst looking for things around them to make use as a 'Scapegoat'. Which I think that's why I reserve my comments till I see fit to put my 2cents worth on something. But at times, I gotta learn to let it go. Some things are just beyond my control due to external influences. As complaisant as it may sound, pride gets the best of us all. Even myself included. Life.

Yes, I believe in speaking my mind whenever I see something wrong or during an absolute 'WTF-Clusterfuck' moment (which is obviously not caused by me). But is it really worth the effort in shouting out to those who have fallen onto deaf ears? I suppose that's okay. At least you've done your part in saying what you feel is right than to stand aside and keep quiet. People are people.

Persevere.