Hard line

And so Christmas it was. Went to Church (What the?! Jie Juan going to Church?!) as I was invited by a friend to some function on Christmas day. Yes, gone for an early morning preach. As usual, I try to absorb and understand the pastor's preaching but I can honestly say, that I'm far from convinced with Christianity (still).

From what I see, I still don't see the point of people giving too much credit to what-they-call 'God'. To me, I finally come to a conclusion that religion may teach good morality and be comforting to some, but it fails short in terms of the truth about life. Why am I coming towards this bold direction of saying so? Because...

1. If God was so superior and all powerful enough to make the world a better place, the world
wouldn't be in its bad shape it is now

2. Religion may teach you about good life but not the truth about how life came to be.

3. Birth of Christ through virgin mother Mary? Makes me wonder what is REAL in this world anymore.

It makes me question,"How can they not question their faith? Can they see that their 'truth' sounds more fiction than fact?!". If I can't feel 'His' presence, wouldn't it be okay if I ended up being apathetic? What is life without the freedom of 'Choice', 'Will' and 'Self-Belief'? These are the questions that I've come across which I wonder how the Christians could give me either a good answer or a good 'bull'. Enlighten me...

I think that people should remain personal about their religious beliefs instead of hard-selling the same to others with no-religion or of different religions. To me, one must learn to choose and think out rationally before acting. Instead of following like a flock of sheep and live by faith alone. I see that there too much self-justification and it makes me wonder about things like speaking in tongues. I wonder what actually goes on in their conscious minds as they go about using this acquired "gibberish-talking" skill to try convince others that this silly parade is actually a so-called trance. Seems more like like "conscious mass hysteria" oxymoron to me.

Absolute faith does not give much room for choice; it cannot. So it will conflict with others like me with strong 'non-belief'? Christians love to assume and hate questioning. Sorry, Pastor...you have not won my 'soul' yet to claim, game over. Just like I cannot assume without question and reasoning.

As Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) quotes

,"There are just some things that don’t seem very fair in the world, like this f-ing hypocrisy of organized religion. I just don’t understand how people can blindly believe a bunch of the sh*t they’re fed, to believe it so that they don’t think too hard about other issues. ‘Be a good boy and you’ll go to heaven.’ If it works for you, fine, but it doesn’t work for me and that pisses me off because I kind of wish it did."

Urge

I have this urge to go out and explore more things. But I don't know whats stopping me sometimes. I think it's just time. I feel as though I wanna accomplish everything at one time but I know that's not possible. Feeling pretty bored this week, by just staring at my Mac for hours, mindlessly clicking away links and being pretty unproductive.

I live a pretty boring life, honestly. But, it pays off to slack at the moment. Something tells me, that I gotta get my priorities straight. Have a go? Nah, I'll just slack.

Pull Harder...

Been working in Apple for 6 days so far. I found the job pretty fun and also tough in terms of maintaining my working performance. For this job; I must learn more, I must excel more and convince more customers to purchase a Mac. Hopefully, I'll stick with this job and fit in nicely. It's pretty tough for customers to buy a Mac in terms of the utility purpose and money issue that gets into their thoughts before considering to purchase a Mac.

One of the worst customers I've encountered were the 'time-wasting' customers who can only tell me what they want to buy from an Apple store and walk off after that, after much effort of convincing the customer to buy. I've had that experience, just yesterday. Business was slow for a few days, maybe that's why I tried my best to close a good deal for the day. But I've learned that customers like these can be cut off immediately and not bother about them.

Anyhow, I have to work hard in this job if I want my holiday trip to Singapore. But in the end, we all have our good days and bad days. But since I'm working for a Mac Reseller, it's time for me to push-push-push! Need to make that extra income. Time for me to believe in myself that I could do well in this field.. time to pull harder!



Trivium-Pull Harder On The Strings Of Your Martyr

Dead feet and an awaken thought...

Yesterday, went around town to look for a job and it seems that Low Yat plaza is pretty busy this time around, because of Christmas being just around the corner. Went to Jln Imbi to check out for job vacancies..non available. Walked to Sungei Wang to see what my options were....non as well, all taken. It was funny, the last place I checked out was the first place that accepted me in. Now, I'm a part-timer in a computer store. How...different. While I'm supposed to be in the audio line or something. But I don't mind. I've always wanted to learn how to assemble computers.

I wish I took Software/Computer Engineering and understood computers under more depth. But being my mathematics so bad, I don't think it could happen. Life I think is not unfair but I think every individual is just unparallel. If not, everybody would be a suicide bomber or something. Like any parent would ask,"What do you wanna be when you grow up?". I once told my parents that I wanted to be a Mechanical Engineer, I was 6 back then. At one time, I wanted to be a comedian and wished to earn 10million US Dollars like Russell Peters.

At one time, I had an interest in cooking. I wanted to become a Chef. But after seeing myself being in the Hotel Management industry for a month. I started to not believe in extreme commitment towards that kind of career. Especially Genting Highlands. Being away from Family, Home and Self-Interest Esteem for long periods of time. Nevertheless, coming across 11 years of Primary/Secondary education, my view with the world changed after that. Bad Economy crisis is now present, I just wanna find a hole to get into and hope my future would be alright.

When I see some of my friends having a financial crisis, it's a scare for me. My folks won't live forever, no one is going to support me but myself at the end of the day. I never thought of a precise blueprint for my life on how it is going to turn out. I thought there was no point planning, because I felt that; time, people and situations affects those plans and then things take on different routes. One of my 'rejected' cousins failed his PMR and dropped out of Secondary school to work as a Mechanic in a workshop. The reason why I labelled 'Rejected' was because I don't consider myself having many close relatives. But I won't go into that.

To me, money is not the root of ALL evil in terms of misuse of money as the only reason. Because I think, it's a sin of not having enough money to be able to put food onto the table. So what is precise 'good' and 'bad'? It's a two way street, just like the Deontology theory. Everybody needs money to survive and live their lives and there are people use money to manipulate situations like bribery and such, which are bad qualities. Money talks eh?

For me, I try to maintain the money in my bank account so that I don't go broke. Whenever I finished my class, I always had a limited number of choices as to where to eat. The common 'Mamak' stall infront of college, or McDonald's beside college. And I never had time to make my own lunch because of rushing to classes. That's when I told myself that I needed a job under flexi-hours to support myself and not to depend on others. There's no such thing as an ∞ amount of money in a person's pocket.

I can never say for most of my life I lacked of freedom, but making use of what I have to make my life better. I do tend to think that 3/4 of my has been drifted away and never had brake pads to stop and think about what I should do to make things better. But I believe that everyone wants to work hard so that they won't starve. And yes, I used to be a hardcore 'wishful thinker'. I was alot more afraid of the 'reality' me than I do now. I used to have dreams where there was a scene that no one were bothered with me at all. With those misplaced thoughts, I guess I've attracted the wrong kind of people that could pierce me. But f*ck the world, whatever that could've been wrong would let me see later and maybe help me grow now. Results of my life, vary all the time. I guess it is the same with everyone.

After Mum's passing, it made me think that 'Death will not kill you, Death will come to you when life makes attempts to kill you, whichever way it can'. What do I mean by that? God was never there to save people's lives. He can't stop a bullet from being struck on a person's chest. Nor can he even stop a car accident. I've accepted the fact that, we have to learn how to take care of ourselves and our families, rather than rely on a 'man-made imaginary superman' that claims to be able to save people from harm. So what's your excuse when you've failed to save a life, God? ,"Everybody has to go someday"? Come on, just say that death can't be escaped and it'll keep chasing after you, man.

I don't need a 'How to move on in life for Dummies' guide book, because I would know what Mum would want me to be in life when she is not around. Because I would know her personally as my own mother. Don't even try and plant the word 'Divine' into my head people.