Monday, October 12, 2015
It's true when people say ,"You don't know what you got till it's gone". A friend of mine was talking to me about getting a day off from work, thanks to a public holiday. But it wasn't much of a holiday to him, because his mother instructed the whole family to do spring cleaning at their home.
I for one do not like to do spring cleaning. It can get taxing and I'm quite the lazy person when it comes to chores to be honest. But this conversation with my friend brought me back to those times where I used to spring clean with my family. Back when there were the four of us. The more I start to think about it, the more I start to cherish those moments even more.
I start to realize that the presence of my parents brought subconscious comfort to my sister and I. The sense of security and comfort to know that you're not facing the world alone, but together. Family was everything. The more the little things started to matter, family bonding started to mean even more in retrospect. I start reminiscing about it. The very foundations of what moulded me to what I am today. The values and memories that money can NEVER buy to relive those moments, even if I wanted to.
Work is my only way of coping with grief. My mind is set on nothing but trying to get to a better place in life. Trying to be a better person each day. The undertow caught in between my feet gets even more violent each day. A sink or swim situation everyday. Treading my way as it gets deeper into submission. A thought provoking notion, but it would be something that Charles Darwin would lecture upon...conform to be able to survive.
I remember falling into one of my deep troubling anxieties and dad knocked some sense into me ,"You shouldn't feel scared of things in front of you that you find difficult! These are the exciting times in your life! Triumph it!". This has always been my inner voice and it will always be. Always trying to break down the walls even if one of them was too overwhelming for me to even break them down, I will get up and break THAT wall down.
As much as I believe that I'll be as good as decomposed waste for the ground to feast, part of me wishes that they (my parents) are watching us over to guide us in spirit. I really miss their presence.
Monday, October 05, 2015
For many years, I have been a huge fan of Trivium. For those who know me, you'll usually see me sporting a Trivium Shogun shirt whenever we meet up. Yes, that's my favourite shirt. I remember the first time picking up the electric guitar at the late-blooming age of 19. Scrolling through youtube videos, looking for a song to learn up and cover. The first thing I saw was Trivium's "Light like to the flies", off their 2nd album "Ascendancy".
I have read and knew of the band's trials and tribulations before they became hugely successful and adored by many music lovers. I admire this band, for they have kept pushing for what they truly desire out of life. Frontman, Matt Heafy explains how he faces failure and owns up to it to reach his successes. He is a role model to me in whatever I do with my life. Dust myself up whenever I take a fall.
,"Failure teaches us. It shapes us. It tests us in our weakest and most vulnerable states. Only through struggle and failure can we overcome, dust ourselves off and begin back on our path to greatness"- Matt Heafy
Sunday, October 04, 2015
With over 7 billion people on this Earth, I guess we can't claim to be the biggest voice for our rights when there are many others who would love to shout us down whilst looking for things around them to make use as a 'Scapegoat'. Which I think that's why I reserve my comments till I see fit to put my 2cents worth on something. But at times, I gotta learn to let it go. Some things are just beyond my control due to external influences. As complaisant as it may sound, pride gets the best of us all. Even myself included. Life.
Yes, I believe in speaking my mind whenever I see something wrong or during an absolute 'WTF-Clusterfuck' moment (which is obviously not caused by me). But is it really worth the effort in shouting out to those who have fallen onto deaf ears? I suppose that's okay. At least you've done your part in saying what you feel is right than to stand aside and keep quiet. People are people.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Woke up, first thing in the morning; bathed, changed, groomed. Finally was set out to go to work with an objective, everyday. No matter how badly our currency is doing, I chose to focus on my work. Be clear on what my motivation is. Besides meeting the basic needs, I know I want more than that. Beggars can't be choosers, but hey...there is always a better and easier way around things. Eventhough I might be stuck in a rut halfway, I have to keep going.
Trying to memorize my everyday work routine on set, I can say that I am quite contented with what I have achieved so far. But I must strive harder to get into a better position in my career. I choose to break down and rebuild myself. Painful, but rewarding I feel. I realized that no matter how talented people think I am, someone out there is miles (and I mean MILES) better than me. This is only my first week. Many days lie ahead. I must press on.
Let's see what tomorrow has to offer. #GottaKeepBeingMotivated
Sunday, September 13, 2015
2015 has been full of surprises for me lately (although I'm speaking for the latter as December is coming nearer by the day). The ups and downs that has gotten me to where I am now. The pain and pleasure mixed together to remind myself that life is not always a smooth sailing one but a love-hate adventure that we have to deal with for life.
I am grateful that my client base has been slowly growing up to a point where I can plan work days accordingly. And I've had the priviledge to experience interesting shoots that has never been short of exciting. Feature films, documentaries, short films and a lot more commercials compared to last year's business.
These experiences has shown me where I lack in my abilities and how to go around improving them. I am grateful that I am able to work my butt off to pay the bills and have the time to cultivate my passion, which is music with my band (currently working on a lot of demos for my Industrial Metal band, which is slowly taking shape).
2015 has also been a good year for Metal. I finally got the chance to catch Lamb of God at the Hammersonic Metal Festival in Jakarta alongside other bands like Vader, Unearth and especially the legendary Mayhem (a controversial Black Metal band). With Lamb of God having released their new album and Trivium's in October, I can't complain.
And here I am, working on a programme for Netflix which is a totally new terrain for me. I'm just gonna be here to do my best and see what unfolds. New challenges await for me to put my current abilities to test and learn new ones along the way. I'd say ,"BRING IT!".
I have come to realize that I live life according to what I find fit to take care of my family. And no matter how my parents did it to raise my sister and I, it's the kind of legacy I would have to carry on whereby I need to pick myself up whenever I fall and see what fits to carry on the family name.
Despite the political and economic situation in which Malaysia is currently facing, there has got to be a better way to live around it. And I would not comment on it any further as my country has become quite a clusterfuck to sum it up.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
"Go through the mill" they say. A reminder to myself that there will be more challenging obstacles ahead compared to what I'm facing now. I must press on. I recently worked on Location Audio for a short film for Malaysian Airlines together with an ex-colleague of mine from AddAudio, Wandi (Who's now a freelance Audio Engineer as well).
It was quite refreshing to see that both of us have similar years of experience and to work together for the first time in 3 years as freelancers brings back the working nostalgia. The only difference is, we're more familiar in what we do, which makes the workflow of things so much smoother. Always a good thing.
The title of the short film was called "Blessings". A short film in conjunction with Chinese New Year, is about a man who loves chasing wealth and ambition so much that he forgets that true blessings come from appreciating the people (Family and friends) that matter and make our lives richer.
It was a tiring but fun two-day shoot. The casts and crew were great. Directed by Hisham Saleh & Linus Chung. As well as Linus' brother Aaron Chung, who's the DP.
In the crew, there was a 'Behind The Scenes' guy, who shoots the overall production activity as well as interviewing the Casts and Crew themselves. When I was being interviewed, I was asked this ,"What does 'Blessing' mean to you?".
For some odd reason, I choked and froze in front of the camera. And thought back of the recent events that's happened to the Cheah's for the past couple of months, I can only say so much:
Blessings to some people can be about wealth, health and what have you. Which is fine. At the end of the day, you know you appreciate the things that you have around you. To fit in my own definition of A 'Blessing' according to how I live my life, I would say that "Suffer" is part of the blessings that I keep. Why? If I did not go through a certain difficult phase, I don't think I would grow stronger than I did before. And that would be my source of strength to move on in Life.
I think that's as truthful as I can get with that interview than to just leave 'flowery' stuff in there. And this would be the first Chinese New Year without Papa. Being an Atheist and not conform to a conventional religion, it does leave a stigma of the 'No framework of the afterlife'. Basically means when I die, I'll be as good as decomposed 'dirt'. Do I miss my parents? Yes I do. Do I believe in A God? I will know when I've passed on. At this point, I just can't bring myself to agree with the dogma of mainstream religions.
But the one thing that I'll miss the most is the physical presence of my parents. To me, that is as real as it gets. The values and lessons that have been passed down to me are the things that will keep them alive in my head. The path to take in Life is really a mysterious thing. I can't find out further unless I keep moving forward in order for things to unfold.
And with those obstacles ahead, I'll suffer till I make it. And I think that's a wonderful thing. Life IS unfair depending on how one sees it. But I think it depends on how we manage it ourselves in the end. How sure are we that the things we do and the decisions we make are Right or Wrong? I think there's no simple answer to that. Because we humans tend to justify one another of our actions, religious person or not.
I think as long as we learn from our mistakes and fix them, we can move forward. To my parents and sister, you guys are part of my greatest Blessings. Gong Hei Fatt Choi.