Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Brave This Storm...

Woke up, first thing in the morning; bathed, changed, groomed. Finally was set out to go to work with an objective, everyday. No matter how badly our currency is doing, I chose to focus on my work. Be clear on what my motivation is. Besides meeting the basic needs, I know I want more than that. Beggars can't be choosers, but hey...there is always a better and easier way around things. Eventhough I might be stuck in a rut halfway, I have to keep going.

Trying to memorize my everyday work routine on set, I can say that I am quite contented with what I have achieved so far. But I must strive harder to get into a better position in my career. I choose to break down and rebuild myself. Painful, but rewarding I feel. I realized that no matter how talented people think I am, someone out there is miles (and I mean MILES) better than me. This is only my first week. Many days lie ahead. I must press on.

Let's see what tomorrow has to offer. #GottaKeepBeingMotivated

Sunday, September 13, 2015


2015 has been full of surprises for me lately (although I'm speaking for the latter as December is coming nearer by the day). The ups and downs that has gotten me to where I am now. The pain and pleasure mixed together to remind myself that life is not always a smooth sailing one but a love-hate adventure that we have to deal with for life.

I am grateful that my client base has been slowly growing up to a point where I can plan work days accordingly. And I've had the priviledge to experience interesting shoots that has never been short of exciting. Feature films, documentaries, short films and a lot more commercials compared to last year's business.

These experiences has shown me where I lack in my abilities and how to go around improving them. I am grateful that I am able to work my butt off to pay the bills and have the time to cultivate my passion, which is music with my band (currently working on a lot of demos for my Industrial Metal band, which is slowly taking shape).

2015 has also been a good year for Metal. I finally got the chance to catch Lamb of God at the Hammersonic Metal Festival in Jakarta alongside other bands like Vader, Unearth and especially the legendary Mayhem (a controversial Black Metal band). With Lamb of God having released their new album and Trivium's in October, I can't complain.

And here I am, working on a programme for Netflix which is a totally new terrain for me. I'm just gonna be here to do my best and see what unfolds. New challenges await for me to put my current abilities to test and learn new ones along the way. I'd say ,"BRING IT!".

I have come to realize that I live life according to what I find fit to take care of my family. And no matter how my parents did it to raise my sister and I, it's the kind of legacy I would have to carry on whereby I need to pick myself up whenever I fall and see what fits to carry on the family name.

Despite the political and economic situation in which Malaysia is currently facing, there has got to be a better way to live around it. And I would not comment on it any further as my country has become quite a clusterfuck to sum it up.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Until the world goes cold..

No matter how many times we have acknowledged the fact that we have good friends and family around us. There will always be circumstances where it puts us in a position where we feel alone. Where we feel that we have to endure and face our demons in hopes that we can remain 'cleansed' in the end.

I think there's a beautifiul duality about adulthood. You get to experience the pleasures in life which can be ecstatic, but the hardships that get in the way as well.
The more I start to understand about the world, the more painful things become. But it's not good to remain ignorant and in denial towards the world. Probably because if we keep being ignorant, the pain would probably be greater when life hits us hard and our world comes crashing down.
I think this is why I miss my father dearly. The alone time and talks about life never seems to get old. Whenever I have a problem or a doubt, he was always there to give me suggestions in which I can trust and experiment on my own. He was more than a father to me, he was also a brother I never had.
Whenever each month starts on it's first week, I can't help but think of all the good times we spent and done during that month of any particular year. And I believe each of those moments hold certain value and has taught and groomed me to be the person I am today.

With any decision I have made currently, I'll always wonder as to how Papa would have handled it. The world becomes scary as I have to face the world under my own terms. People with their ideals and me trying to apply the 'tools' I have to my advantage to get through in life.
What is 'Right' or 'Wrong' in the end? I feel as I grow older, that question becomes a question of 'Perception'. I may live under my own terms, but I also need to hear out from others. I may break, but I refuse to, because of pride. I also NEED to break because I need to release my demons before they start to consume me.

I think what makes a man a Man are the scars that are left on us, reminds us to do better and try our best not to fall. Some people have talent to breeze through life, some have to work hard to get stronger to endure difficulty. I think this is where 'Gratitude' is hugely important.