Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Life is but a dead end....

And....back with another rant. 2016 has been a good year, despite the big number of screw ups the government has caused, but I care not to focus on that in this posting. I've been pondering about how I've been prioritizing my goals while at this age. Be it; wealth, career, relationships and etc. I've come to realize that no matter how much I've achieved in life and initially thought I've reached my peak of success, there's always a new beginning to things. It's weird, but the hunger for more success is ever growing. I feel like I am back at square one and utterly 'Green' once more to things.

Yes, the back to back jobs I've been getting in 2016 have been great. Yes, being a 2016 BMW Shorties grand prize winner with the team was nothing but ecstatic (Gotta enjoy the moment, ya know). Then brings back the thought as to why I wanted to achieve them so badly in the first place. It was not about proving my critics wrong. It was not for any form of fame. But these were credentials for me to prove myself that I could build them up with my both hands, for the sake of making my parents proud. And they would be the people I would never be able to celebrate my successes with without their "physical presence".

 I finally understood why my father told me that any of his goals would not matter as much with my mother not being around then. I finally understood as to how loss can make you humble down and strive better each time and not settle for anything less.

Then what is the successful adult? Is it an individual who is supposed to do a list of things when he/she has reached adulthood? Is he/she supposed to say ,"F*ck it all, I live how I wanna live my life because I have my own ideologies to live by"? Or is it that we're meant to embrace and enjoy every moment that we now have before we die? So many questions, so little answers. A never ending struggle.

But the saying by my father ,"The surest sign of life is Growth" would be something I will hold on to dearly for life. I think that's the saying by him that keeps me going. No matter how angry or sad I am. Breaking walls has never been so tough, but I'll keep pressing on. It is hard being an Orphan for short.